Bang, Sew, Let Go

I went to a very small church school for elementary school.  We had ten kids in our class and that was the largest class in the school.  Since we were too small to have a band and there was a church-based boarding high school next door (also very small for a high school) the seventh and eighth graders were allowed to join the high school band.

I wanted to play percussion.

My mom wanted me to play the clarinet.  She had played the clarinet.  She still had her clarinet. She didn't like percussion. I think there was an argument or two about percussion not being musical,  although I had been playing the piano since second grade.  

So I played the clarinet for awhile.  I hated it.  There was nothing about playing the clarinet that I enjoyed.  

I wanted to play percussion.

She said no.  

Finally we "compromised"  and I tried the flute.   There was even a flute teacher in there somewhere.   I did not like playing the flute. 

I wanted to play percussion.

Finally I did.  I was in band, as a percussionist in high school and college.

I loved it.  I played all the keyboard type instruments like bells and  xylophone.  I played timpani and all the other fun stuff.

A couple of months ago my mom was visiting and I got this crazy idea in my head that I could make a baby quilt for my pregnant niece in the few days that my mom was here.   Then she could take it to the baby shower.  We bought the fabric and I got busy. 

Of course I'm still not done with the quilt and the baby was born a week ago.  I'm close.  I'm machine quilting it and hoping to finish this weekend.

The thing that is taking a bit of the joy out of it for me is that my mom keeps calling me and asking if the quilt is done.  No.  No it is not done.  These things take time and I have, oddly enough, decided to work, take care of the kids, clean, do laundry, etc. etc. etc.  instead of quilting.

Really it's not a quilt for newborns only.  It's a baby quilt.  A toddler quilt.  A five year old quilt.  I'm hoping a "I love this quilt so much even though I'm to old for it I still like to have it around" quilt and for my niece an "Wow, my aunt went to all this trouble to make this quilt for my baby she must really care about me even though we never see her" quilt.

My mom's at my brother's helping with the baby (my niece is 17).  Yes, I wish I had that quilt done, but I'm not going to freak out about it.  It's a quilt --nice, but not something the baby  has to have immediately.

Yesterday my mom called and left a voicemail.  "Just wondering if you mailed the stuff I left at your house and wondered how the quilt's coming along."

Ugh.  I'm not sure how the two are related -- the percussion and the quilt.  It feels like they are.  All these years of her having specific expectations and ideas of who I should be and what I should do and me pushing against her and doing my thing in my time and trying trying trying to not carry all the baggage with me.  To just put some of the baggage down and let go of her expectations.

The Faker is Back at School

I'm going to come right out and admit I got scammed.    At least I think I got scammed.  

I'm pretty sure I did.  Kind of.  A little.

J12 just went back to school this morning after missing FIVE days of school.  I think he really was sick at first.  There was a virus going around school and tons of kids were out the first week of school, as well as a few teachers.  

He was actually throwing up at some point.  I posted Saturday about dealing with his vomit.  It turns out he did have a little blood in his vomit (I'll stop using the V word now) so I know he was legitimately sick, I actually saw it happen a few times.

That said we started to get suspicious towards the end of the weekend.  It was happening when we weren't around -- when I'd run to the grocery store or drop D8 off at school.

I took him to the doctor Monday morning, I was really freaking out there was something seriously wrong with him.  The doctor said I should keep him home another day.

Late afternoon Monday I took the recycling out and when I came back in I heard the fridge door closing, then J12 comes running around the corner, holding his mouth like he wasn't sure he'd make it,  and then throwing up.  I follow him into the bathroom and it looks like he poured some soda in the toilet.

We had a conversation.  I did most of the talking.  He denied up and down, backwards and forwards.  I checked the fridege and the two liter of root beer was almost gone -- except no one had been drinking it.

We had another conversation.  I did most of the yelling.  

Then I told his dad.  They had a conversation.  Hid dad did all of the threatening.  He told him if he was throwing up by the end of the next day he was going to the hospital and they would stick a tube down his nose and into his stomach.  They would do a spinal tap.  With a very large needle.

Oddly enough he never threw up again.

This I have to say -- I learned a lot this week.  I really did.  About J12 and myself.  

 I'm a little worried about what prompted the whole thing -- that something is really bothering him and he's hiding from it. I can't get him to talk -- not about anything like that.  

The thing is I was just the same.  Always trying to hide from stuff I didn't want to deal with and seeing things as much scarier than they were.  I still do it.   I'm just hoping I can find a way to help him cope, to start learning how to cope, now and not wait until he's well into adult hood to start dealing with it.  Like I did.

Ten Things Tuesday

Ten Things I Have Done or Will Do Today

1.  Focus -- I have been so unfocused lately.  I can't seem to finish anything I start.  I can't seem to start anything I need to finish.  Hoping this list will help a little.

2.  Clean my kitchen -- It's horrible and I don't want to go in there, but I'm cleaning it today if it's the last thing I do.  Most likely it will be the last thing I do.

3.  Yoga -- I made it to a noon class.

4.  Fix the home phone -- OK this is is pretty stupid.  We switched to a cable phone for our home phone a couple of years ago it's never worked well or consistently.  Today if I call the home number it rings about two minutes after I call it.

5.  Catch up on the laundry.  I HATE when I have laundry unfinished at the end of the day. (I usually have unfinished laundry).

6.  Quilt -- I'm machine quilting a baby quilt for my great-nephew who was born five days ago.    Plus I actually enjoy doing this.

7.  Read -- I haven't been reading lately.

8.  Shop -- not the fun kind, the "oh no we are out of one thing we HAVE to have and also I remembered a bunch of other stuff we'll be out of soon didn't I just do this yesterday" kind of shopping.

9.  Homework with the kids.

10.  Stop judging myself.  This is unlikely to happen today.  But I like to put it on the list for good measure.

Nurse Slow Panic

Warning:  This is all about vomit. In detail.

J12 started throwing up after school on Tuesday and pretty much hasn't stopped.    He missed three days of school this week.  I am so frustrated.  He's still throwing up.

To be honest with you I haven't believed him the whole time.  I've checked up on him a couple of times and he wasn't lying.  I think he has been heaving or gagging and calling that throwing up.  If not he really is throwing up about 15 times a day.  Or more.  The few times I've taken a look at it it's looked dark brown/maroon/reddish.  Of course I started worrying about blood in his stomach.

But he's been drinking Coke and grape juice and grape Gatorade.  

No fever, no other symptoms, except a cranky, tired 12 year old.  Honestly I've been pretty hard on him at times because I'm worried he's scamming me to get out of school.  He had a lot of sick days last year and he's developing habits I had as a kid and I'm just kind of worried.

So I've gone between being sympathetic and kind to mean and bitchy.

This morning, after not eating for 12 hours and having nothing to drink but water he threw up the dark colored puke again.  That kind of scared me, so I took him to the doctor.

They did a quick blood test and a strep test and nothing.

So now I'm waiting for him to puke so I can collect it and take it back to the doctor and they can check it for blood.

I explained this to him and put a bowl in the bathroom for him to use.  I took the dogs for a walk.

I come back and the bowl is full.  I mean really a lot of stuff -- and it looks like Coke.  So yeah, I find out he drank some Coke while I was picking up his anti-vomit drugs.

But the real fun part is he went to the bathroom and peed and then threw up before flushing AND THEN TOOK THE BOWL AND SCOOPED THE PEE AND PUKE INTO THE BOWL.    Then gave it to me.

I'm sighing.  I can tell you I am sighing a lot today.  So I explained to him to throw up directly in the bowl.  Please leave out the pee, and I will take that to the doctor.

Except now he's hungry.  So he's going to eat and then he's going to throw up and then I get to scoop that out of the bowl.

I told you this was gross.

THEN I'm going to give him the anti-vomit meds.

If he's still throwing up tomorrow I have to take him back.

Tomorrow I'm supposed to fly to MD on business.

Blah.  Sometimes this mommy gig is a little rough.  And gross.  Sometimes it is really really gross.

YTT

On Monday I signed up for yoga teacher training (YTT).  I'm pretty excited and scared.  

Mostly excited. 

No wait, mostly scared.    

I start the first weekend of October and finish mid-Feburary.  The course takes place over nine weekends. 

It's something I've been wanting to do for awhile but kept making excuses -- mostly money and time.  But I did it, I applied, I interviewed, I paid up.  

I wrote a long post about it on Tuesday, but deleted it.  It's kind of hard to talk about.  


It's kind of a big deal for me to take this step.  


It's a big deal and it's not a big deal.  If that makes any sense.  


It's a big deal in that it's me taking action to do something I feel strongly about and that is such a huge commitment and possibly life changing.  


It's not a big deal because it feels so much like the right thing for me that now that I've stepped onto this path it just seems like the most obvious and right choice.

Sick Day

School started last Wednesday and J12 is home sick today.

Honestly, I didn't quite believe him when he told me he'd thrown up yesterday. Then I saw the proof the second time. I took his word for it the 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th, and 7th time.

And again this morning.

I called the school and found out it's "going around" and that two teachers have been out sick, as well as a bunch of kids.

It's just the first week! How did this happen?

We got slammed at our house last year with sick days, including a bout of mono. Hoping we can kick this virus and then avoid anymore for awhile.