Saturday, November 22, 2014

Unexpected Journey: T - 1

First of all, so sorry for anyone who clicked on my previous post and found no content.  I didn't realize I had clicked the Publish button.......

Secondly, am I using the whole "T-1" correctly?  I don't know.  I'm leaving tomorrow.

Journey Explained:

I've spent most of this last week preparing for an unexpected trip back to Minnesota and Iowa WITH MY MOTHER.  Yes, the person I have a hard time changing a light bulb for.

My cousin passed away during the night Monday and I'm taking my mother back for the funeral.

I don't even know where to start writing about this.

My cousin's death isn't a great personal loss or crisis for me.  We weren't close.  She was at least ten years older then me, probably more.  We had stayed in touch via Facebook over the past few years and her death has brought up some stuff for me.  She was very close to my father who I hardly knew. They were both black sheep of the family and had bonded way back in the day.  Way back in the day when I really could have used a father.  This obviously wasn't her problem, but I have been bitter and jealous of their relationship and I kept meaning to write to her and ask her to tell me about him.  I really don't know much at all about him.  I never did it and of course when I found out she had died it was one of the first things I thought about.  That missed opportunity.

Still, even though we weren't really close I'm glad to be going back to the funeral in honor of my aunt and uncle whom I always adored and whose house was truly a home, something I didn't necessarily have at my house and something I loved and appreciated as a child.  I wonder if I will work up the nerve to explain this to them when I see them this week?  Or if I will let another opportunity pass me by?

But let's get to the real trauma.  Four days of travel WITH MY MOTHER.

I am totally freaking out.

She is a wreck about this trip.  Upon finding out about the death and that she wanted to go to the funeral I told her immediately I would go with her.  Even though she doesn't believe it there is NO WAY she can navigate the airports, renting a car, finding a hotel, and driving through Minneapolis.  NO WAY.

Plus, I want to go back.  It's been years.  I want to see it.  To feel it.

Every day since we bought the tickets (Wednesday) she has called me and said she doesn't think she should go.  Or she doesn't think we should take the trip to Iowa.  Or some version of that.

Part of it is the money.  She is very very cheap.  I don't even want to use the word frugal because there's some kind of unhealthiness to her attitude towards money.  Some kind of meanness.  Something I haven't found the words for.

That said I think her worry about spending the money is just camouflage for the real problem which is not wanting to deal with seeing family.  Not wanting to deal with my cousin's death or seeing her parents go through it.  Seeing all those people.

I know this post is way to long.  Bless your heart if you are even still skimming this, but here's the breakdown:

Sunday:  fly to Minnesota

Monday:  attend funeral in Minnesota

Tuesday:  drive to Iowa and visit Aunt B (yes, my mother still has a living aunt, she is six years older then my mom)

Wednesday:  visit cousin  D (95 and still completely independent) and fly home from Des Moines

Today I have to buy something to wear to the funeral, pack, and try not to stress eat my way through our pantry.  Thank God today is my mom's Sabbath (she is an SDA) and I won't hear from her until this evening when she will call to ask me if she should pack something or other and what time we are leaving and should we be going and and and and AND.

One of her big conflicts is the "side" trip to Iowa to see Aunt B and Cousin D.  These two are on my mother's side of the family and she is very close to them.  She talks to them once a week.  She keeps questioning seeing them.  It is insane.  This is most likely the last time she will see them and I've told her that plenty of times, but she still questions and doubts and worries about the trip.

OK.  Enough for today.  I really am going to try and post every day about this.

There is so much for me to write about.  Buckle up people.  We're going for a ride.


Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Good luck. Sounds like this journey will be both emotionally and mentally taxing. I hope there are some blessings along the way.

Common Household Mom said...

I echo Green Girl in wishing that you are able to find some good things in the midst of the difficult travel.

Magpie said...

Good luck!

Bibliomama said...

Whew! I think "some kind of meanness" probably fits the bill for the words. Some people are just like that. I know you're already most of the way through the trip, but my best wishes anyway. And my condolences for the parts of it that do feel like loss to you.