When we moved in half the staircase had been taken out and the fridge backed into that space. We moved the fridge and rebuilt the staircase. My husband and his dad put in a couple of skylights.
It is a beautiful space.
Then we proceeded, year after year, to fill it with junk. Piled high. Toys spilling everywhere. Lost Christmas decorations. Unnamable, embarrassing, completely unneeded garbage.
I started decluttering Thursday. I am aware that some of the stuff up there wouldn't be garbage if we had been careful and intentional with it. Unfortunately now it is garbage and I am hauling it away -- either to the dump or to the local mission that runs a thrift shop.
Currently my boys share a bedroom and this is the perfect space for a third bedroom or a game room for them.
I'd like to say this is the first time I've started cleaning up there, with the goal of turning it into a wonderful space. Instead I will tell you it is impossible for me to know how many times I have started and then quit.
I really want this to be the time we finish this project.
I want to give my kids that. I want them to see us accomplish something around here instead of talking and talking and talking and never doing.
I function so much better when surrounded by order and less stuff. There's no doubt my husband is a slob and a non-finisher of projects and very much a dreamer and visionary of what is possible. And a watcher of much do-it-yourself TV.
Wouldn't it be fun to blame all of this on him?
Sadly, here I am, a non-finisher of projects, a dreamer and visionary of what is possible. And also someone prone to melancholy, sadness, depression and horrible inertia. And an inability to see past the mess, once it gets so heavy.
Can people change? Yes,
Am I? I hope so.
I know I'm not the only one with a cluttery attic or messy backyard, or filled closets and a job and an aging mother and two kids and all kinds of commitments.
I'm still pushing forward. I've taken two car loads to the mission and at least as much to the trash. Just in the little I've done, I've found a new energy emerging. In the space upstairs and within myself. I'm allowing myself to think of the possibilities for the space upstairs and for myself.