Tuesday, June 26, 2012

How to Water the Lawn

Notice that it's after 4:00 p.m. -- can now legally water the lawn.

Go out the front door.  Realize the sprinkler is in the back yard.

Go to the back yard.

Find the sprinkler.

Go back to the front yard.

Attach the sprinkler to the hose and adjust the little round nozzle adjuster thing that determines the direction of the hose (options:  full, left, center, right).

Drag the hose and sprinkler to the other side of the yard. While doing so make sure the hose is wrapped around the water faucet handle thing so that as you pull the hose it turns the water on.

Get wet.

Walk back, turn the water off.  Fix the hose.

Return to the other side of the lawn and put the sprinkler where you think it will be centered and most efficiently water the lawn and not the cars or sidewalk.

Walk back to the water faucet handle thing and turn the water on.

Look up and see that you are not watering anything.


Walk back to the sprinkler.  Pick it up.  See that somehow the part that actually sprinkles is somehow turned to the bottom of the sprinkler.

Fix it.

Get wetter.

Put the sprinkler down.  See that you are efficiently watering the cars and sidewalk and not the lawn.

Turn the water off.

Play around with the stupid little round sprinkler adjuster thing that only has poorly drawn illustrations and no words.  Put the sprinkler down in a hopefully better spot.

Swear again.

Turn the water on.

See that now you are only watering half the lawn -- to the left of the sprinkler -- but you are watering most of the street.

Walk back, pick up the sprinkler move it to another location.

Get really stupid freaking wet.

Swear.  Swear swear swear.

Back up away from the sprinkler and realize that yes, you indeed have finally found the perfect spot for this portion of the lawn.  You can now go in the house.

Trip over the hose walking into the house.


Readjust the placement of the sprinkler.  again.

Go inside.

Go to fridge.  Pull out vodka and grapefruit juice.


Drink.  (By now it's 5:00 p.m. anyways).  In preparation for when you have to go out and move the sprinkler.


smalltownme said...

I'll never take my sprinkler system for granted again.

Kellie @ Delightfully Ludicrous said...

Lol! Sneaky little things, aren't they!

sherilee said...

Great post--nice to know others deal with these things by swearing! I have been working on our sprinkler system, and the reset box is all the way across the yard from where I'm working, and the back and forth nonsense (not to mention, the leaky old joints in some parts of the system) just about does me in! Every time I feel close to having it fixed, something else pops up. Grrrr.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

My husband is the master of no-work watering. I don't even have to water potted plants. I'm going to give him a big kiss for that!

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Funny thing is, you reminded me to TURN OURS OFF when I read your post!

Cha Cha said...

We are living parallel lives! Sadly, I've admitted defeat and now allow my husband to manage his complicated hose / sprinkler system all by himself. But, much like how I think I'm a better bowler with beer? I'm way better at landscaping with profanity.