Today work is really quiet. I find myself between projects. I'm going to take advantage of this (it won't last long) and attack the kids room and attic. More decluttering, giving away and tossing. Every inch of space I create brings me a little more peace.
We do live in a small house -- two bedroom/one bath. We are four people, two dogs and a cat. It's crowded. But it is more crowded than it has to be. We have to much stuff. The stuff we need we don't always take care of. We don't store it properly. It creeps up on us and before we know it we are all feeling claustrophobic. Most of this is just habits. Habits we can change.
The past year has been a little rough for me. I hit a point where I didn't want to be in this town or this house. I felt stuck and scared and trapped. I thought in order to grow I needed to be somewhere else. I didn't realize I needed to be here in order to grow.
Last night I took M's yoga class. She is the matron of yoga in this town. She has been teaching for decades. I have meant to take her class for years -- since I started practicing and heard about her. I met her last summer when she came to my class during her annual break from teaching. I really felt a connection with her but it's taken me almost a year to get to her class. Meanwhile I spent plenty of time resenting the fact that I am 90 minutes from the studio and teachers where I took teacher training and feeling stuck and panicked that I couldn't take advantage of those teachers and mentors.
M is not the only incredible teacher in this town. The teachers at the studio where I teach are incredible and have so much to teach me.
I just need to stop spending my mental time and energy yearning for another place and time and really truly be present in this space. To learn from the people that are here.
The same goes for this house. Years of neglect and apathy have resulted in clutter and much disrepair. For years I have felt completely overwhelmed and incapable of doing anything about it. I have sent a lot of blame and resentment my husband's way, using his lack of progress on major repairs as an excuse not to move forward and the things I want and can do which includes everything from daily chores to redecorating.
Something shifted in me a few months ago, although I think the shift has been coming longer other that. I believe it's the yoga and meditation. I believe I made some internal changes that finally made an impact on my actions. I cleaned up the front yard. I created space out there that shifted the energy in the house and within me. I began a task even though it felt impossible and overwhelming. I completed that task. I realized I can do it. Then I moved on to the next.
So today I am walking back into the kids room (and yes, they are helping) and getting rid of more stuff, then we'll head back upstairs. I really believe we are going to get that space turned into J13's room. I can't wait. I can't wait to see what it becomes and how changing our environment changes our family.