Tuesday

I'm tired. My mom and I spent four hours yesterday day looking at houses. The second to last house is a definite possibility. I honestly think she should make an offer on it, but I think we're probably going to look at some more today.

The tension/energy in this house is so bad when my mom visits that things break every time. This visit our dining room air conditioner (yes we still have window units) broke FIVE MINUTES after she walked in the house. The chain on the toilet broke about two hours after she arrived and this morning when I tried to lock my office door (for some much needed privacy) it broke. I think it's a combination of her nervousness/uptightness/tension and the way the energy in my family changes knowing how difficult it's going to be having her here.

The sad part is the same kind of energetic shifts happen within me. Things break. Usually by 4:00 or 5:00 in the afternoon I'm so exhausted I just want to go to bed.

I hope we find a house for her today. My family is headed for the beach Friday and the kids are staying for the week with my MIL. J44 and I are driving back Monday and I was hoping for a quiet week before I headed up to Maryland to help her pack. I'd be willing to go up to MD next week, just to keep things moving. There's a lot to do.

I Never Procrastinate Procrastinating

Our house is an unbelievable mess and I really need to clean up before my mom gets here this week -- she'll be here for a few days house hunting.

Knowing that I had an incredible amount of decluttering (shoving stuff in closets she hopefully won't snoop in -- and under beds) and cleaning ahead of me today I chose to make chocolate chip cookies last night and then crawl into bed early. I had gone to the library Thursday and picked up a couple of books. I've been having a hard time settling into a book for awhile, but clearly I had found the perfect time to dig in.

I woke up early this morning -- before 7:00 -- and came out to the living room to read so the dogs would come with me and let the kids sleep. I ended up reading until 8:30.

I spent the next few hours wandering around, picking stuff up, feeding the kids and reading a chapter or so every once in a while.

Really, I haven't been able to keep at a book in forever and now I can't put them down. I know it has nothing to do with all of the work I should be doing and that if I allow myself to actually think I am easily overwhelmed by the fact that my mother will be staying here for at least a few days and then OMG she is going to be living within minutes of me for the first time in 16 years.

I taught a yoga class at noon, came home and fed the kids, dragged them out to my mother-in-law's so we could say good-bye to some family friends who are moving this week. Came home, sort of made dinner (while I was reading). Cleaned up a little. Read some more. Sort of made more dinner for my husband who worked 12 hours today.

Then I finished my book.

Now I'm waiting for another pan of cookies to cool off so I can crawl into bed with a cup of tea, a couple of cookies and another book.

I need to be well rested for my marathon of cleaning and decluttering tomorrow.

Or Monday.

Or Whenever.

Things Are Happening

My mom sold her house Wednesday. It's craziness. She didn't have to put it on the market. Her realtor had someone who wanted to buy a house in her development, they looked at the house for five minutes Tuesday evening and Wednesday evening she signed the contract for the price she asked. No negotiation, no waiting for months on end.

If it's going to happen this is the best way for it to happen.

I'm pretty sure next week she'll be here looking for a house. I'm going to try and take the week off, for the most part, and go house hunting with her. She has a little over a month to find a house and get her stuff packed up and down here.

I'm less freaked out then I thought I would be.

My main goal is to take care of myself and my family through all this, be kind to my mother, not let her drive me crazy, and be true to myself.

That last one is coming from a conversation I had with her last time she was here (and countless others). I said something about usually getting up around 5:00 or 5:30 every morning and she said, "I know you do. To read the Bible. RIGHT?" It was her way of being reassured that I was still walking the straight and narrow and one and only path she believes in.

I came really close to saying, "No, I get up and journal, do yoga and meditate." I really did almost tell the truth, but then I caved and said, "yeah,"

I don't like that I do this. Obviously it's not the first time I've told her what she wanted to hear and living 1,000 miles from her makes it easy to hide my life from her and not deal with her disapproval and criticism and all out panic for the state of my soul.

After that last conversation I determined to become stronger and if she gets snoopy about my personal/spiritual life to be honest about it.

It's one thing to tell her what she wants to hear or just not give out info when I'm just talking to her once or twice a week.

It's a whole other thing when she's going to be walking into my house whenever the hell she feels like it and totally getting into my business.

It's not going to be fun. So I'm going to go ahead and get started right now with being strong and honest about my life.

That sounds pretty impressive. We'll see how it goes.

In other news J13 is trying out for a swim team today! He's not fighting me on it either. He's actually bringing it up in conversation and I think he actually wants to do it -- to check it out anyways. I'm just excited that at this point he isn't screaming and kicking and crying about it. That he's going along with it. He's a natural swimmer and he needs something like this. He needs to at least try.

Back to Blogging -- Just in Time

Yes Sophia, I'm back to blogging. And just in time.

My mother is moving to Macon (where I live). Possibly by July 30th. Yeah, that gives me something to blog about. She's possibly accepting a contract on her house in Maryland today. Am I ready? No. This is not something it is possible to ever be ready for.

I'm not as freaked out as I thought I would be. Although that may be denial. I am hoping I'm getting to the point where I can live my life and not worry about what she says about it -- that seems kind of pathetic to say at the age of 44 but there it is. Maybe that's what the 40s are all about, at least for me.

There's a lot of stuff in my life she doesn't like and she has her passive aggressive way of showing it. If I weren't on my way to teach yoga (which she disapproves of) and slip in some meditation (which she disapproves of) I would probably explain that. But don't worry. I'm sure I'll get around to it sooner rather than later.

So far it's been a great summer. The boys are at great ages -- 9 and 13. Independent but they still want to be with me.

I'm taking J13 to try out for a swim team Friday afternoon. Against his will. Because I think it will be good for him and if not it won't kill him. He'll never initiate anything on his own.

I'm sure this summer cold/virus/whatever it is that I'm suffering from today is not related to the stress of my mom's imminent arrival. Or that I have to go up there in a few weeks and help her pack. Just talking to her on the phone about moving (should she save the vases she hasn't used in 20 years???? WHAT IF SHE NEEDS THEM???? OH. MY. GOD!!!!) practically gives me hives. I'd really like to crawl in bed but I've got to teach. Hoping no one shows up tonight so I can come home early.

Ten Word Tuesday

First day of summer, already shopping for school uniforms. Seriously.

Ten