I went to a yoga class this morning. The first one I've been to in quite a while. I hurt my back a week or two before Thanksgiving. I think I did go to a class right after the holiday but then hurt my back again.
Right after Thanksgiving I found out that the one class I was teaching had been cancelled. Unfortunately I found this out by looking at the studio's website and seeing that the class was gone. That sucked. I contacted the owner right away and she had to cut three or four classes due to low attendance. Despite getting a lot of good feedback from students and having several that swore by my classes I still feel like I failed.
It hit me a lot harder than I thought it would. Especially since every week I would spend a few days worrying/freaking out about my class and it was always difficult to find time to plan for the class. I really don't feel like I currently have the time to be the teacher I would like to be. It's probably a good thing. I know it is. I love not having that commitment every Saturday at 11:30. I love not having the pressure of worrying about what I'm going to do.
I still feel lost without it and haven't felt like being at the studio. It was good to go back today. It feels good to have my back better and to be able to make it through a flow class. There's nothing like the energy in the room at the end of class.
I feel like I'm still finding my way. I guess we always are. I'm so good at resisting change and forward movement. With my back being hurt and my class getting cancelled I really slipped into a little depression. Now that I'm able to be active again and I have no excuses to practice I'm feeling a lot better.