My preference would be to not work. To just be a mom. That's not an option financially so if I have to work this is the only job I want.
Much of yesterday's post is due to three external situations in my life. By external I mean not some crap happening inside of me. Just life stuff. They are:
1. Gout -- My husband has gout. The past ten days he has been incapacitated when at home. He's still working. I don't know how. At home he's on crutches. During the day his work boots give him enough support to hobble around. Before the gout came back his back had gone out. Really he's been having back problems since Father's Day. The past month (almost) he really has been not able to do ANYTHING around the house. Nothing. It's been tough. I feel for him and I am exhausted. He talked to a doctor yesterday and the supplements he started taking this week are exactly what he needs so he's on the right track.
2. Sam -- Senile Dog. I'm still having problems getting Sam to sleep. Most nights she wakes me up and wants me to come to the living room. I've tried a cage (she pooped on herself and I had to give her a bath at 3:00 a.m.), benadryl, and some other stuff I'm to tired to remember. So I'm really really tired. Today I'm setting up a series of night lights for her throughout the house. Hoping this helps.
3. Yoga -- My Wednesday class was cancelled. Attendance started out strong but the past month or so it has really dropped off. The last two weeks there was no one there. The studio owner cancelled it. We are going to see if people complain and if they do we may start it up at a later time of day or different day of the week. I found this out Wednesday night. I knew it was coming. I'm really discouraged about it. I get really good feedback from my students. I don't think it's me. Or not all me. This is a small city. Not a big market for yoga. But it really rocked my confidence in myself as a teacher. Despite the fact that experienced yogis always compliment and enjoy my classes. I don't know. I wish I could teach full time and instead I'm teaching less and less. I feel horrible about it and kind of stupid and sad.
So those three things above are just things to get through and deal with. They'll pass, change, shift. J44 will get better, Sam will eventually die (well, she will) and I will find my way as a yogi.
This weekend I am getting a huge break. The kids are going to the beach with my mother-in-law. J44 is staying home because of his foot. At first D9 was staying home so I said I would stay home. This morning D9 decided he was going (really, you wouldn't believe the beach trip drama we've been going through this week) and I said I was still staying home to help J44, help Sam and just GET SOME SLEEP. Three days to breathe. Catch up on laundry, housecleaning. I'm going to the movies and doing a lot of quilting.
I'm really looking forward to it even though I'm really going to miss the kids.