Sunday, August 21, 2011

Waiting for Monday

I'm feeling pulled in a million directions and I know most women my age, in my situation feel the same way and a lot of them don't complain.  Or I assume they don't complain.  I think that's kind of part of my problem.  I assume everyone around me is handling life graciously, easily and successfully.

I've been trying not to blog about anxiety, fear, the abyss (see anxiety and fear), stress, etc.  But I have been freaking out.  There's so much going on:

J44 has been having problems with his back since Father's Day.  Since he works in commercial heating and air and we live in Georgia summers are extremely busy.  He spends most of the time in the office at a desk -- except in the summer.  Then he's out helping the techs and he ends up working a lot of weekends.

He's been having back problems all summer and hasn't worked on our house (mainly installing our central heat and air).  The lawn needs mowing, there's just a lot that needs to be done and he hasn't been able to do.  I was feeling really resentful about it Friday.  Angry.  Frustrated.

Yesterday morning he bent over to pick something up and BAM popped or pulled something and is more miserable then ever.  It's horrible.  It's bad enough I stopped feeling resentful.  That's saying something.  However I am still holding on to the frustration. 

So there's my husband's back and lack of ability to help around the house.

I'm taking J13 back to the doctor today -- third visit -- for his ears.  He was diagnosed with swimmer's ear at the beginning of the month.  He's still having mild problems and I don't want to take him out of school to go to the doctor.  I think it's nothing, but he's been taking motrin three times a day so obviously something is going on.

I'm still dealing with Sam (senile dog).  She seems to be feeling good during the day and I've been giving her benadryl before I go to bed,  She's not wandering at 11:00, but she is waking at 4:00 a.m. and will not settle down or stop barking until I sleep on the couch with her.  So now I just get up when she barks once at 4:00 and settle down on the couch.  She lays down and goes to sleep.  This seems to be the only thing that works.  She's old and senile and confused at night and she wants me with her and for some reason just won't settle down in our bedroom.  Not sure why.

And then this afternoon I have to run over to my mom's to set up her new lawn mower so J13 can mow the lawn.  I took her to buy it Friday.  Jamie was planning on helping her buy it and set it up and mow the lawn -- but he can't because of his back.  So I'm doing it.  There goes my afternoon -- which means I'll be behind on laundry, cleaning (which I was going to do Friday, but I had to take her to buy the mower -- at which time she told me she had cleaned her house and if felt so good -- UGH).

I don't want to complain about all these things because they are part of this stage in my life.  But I do feel worn out and afraid I am never going to have a second to breath. I feel like the anxiety and stress is  slowly overtaking every inch of me.  Honestly, I'm looking forward to Monday morning when everyone is out of this house and I can breathe and have some silence -- even though I'll be at work.

That's what it's come to.  Waiting for Monday.


Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Well if J13 is mowing lawns, maybe he can do yours too and that would be one less worry?

I personally think writing about my anxieties helps me process them--but that's just me. I feel terrible about your husband's back--been there, done that, taken the Vicodin, Soma and Motrin.

P.S. Your husband's real name is in the paragraph about your mom's lawn mower.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

It's pouring on you. I hate it when life gets to that point. Here's to a Monday filled with silence for you.