Thursday, August 4, 2011

Tired. Really Tired.

So this is what 44 is all about.

I have one senile dog who does not sleep at night. She paces and paces and paces and randomly barks. Sometimes she gets lost in the bathroom. When I say lost I mean she is standing in the bathroom facing the open door, the light is on, and she barks until I help her out.

I had her checked out -- blood work is fine. They want to put her on the same medicines humans take for alzheimer's. It's $3.00 a day. I really can't afford that right now. Although I'm ready to cave and put her on the drugs and not tell my husband I'm dropping $100 a month on the dog. But I think he'll notice. It's breaking my heart. I don't think she has much time left. In the meantime I am tired.

My mom moved here on Sunday. It's rough. On Tuesday I basically got onto her and my family and told them all to stop complaining about it. Mom was unhappy with pretty much everything in her new house and the location and just on and on and on. My husband and children were complaining about my mom. I finally told them all I couldn't live like that anymore and they had to shut up.

I just feel like I have another person to take care of. I know it's extra crazy now because she is getting used to a new town and having to take care of all the new stuff. The moving truck doesn't even get here until Monday so she has no furniture, no cooking utensils. I've gone from talking to her maybe once a week to talking to her many times a day.

The kids start school next week. I still need to buy supplies. I don't want them to go back.

My husband and kids are at the beach for four days. Yes, I was mad at him for planning a trip four days after my mom arrived. I felt like I needed to stay in town to help her. That said I quickly filled my schedule up with other stuff.

I also felt like I couldn't take off teaching yoga again since I just did so in July for a business trip.

Ugh. I'm busy and I'm tired. I don't really think I should complain to much because I don't know any other person my age who isn't crazy busy and being pulled in a million directions.

Last night I taught a yoga class and did a private lesson afterwards. It was great. I had a blast and I was energized and felt wonderful afterwards.

This morning when I came to work I just felt heart sick having to sit down and take care of this stuff. But I just tuck that away -- that my job is just a job and isn't something I'm crazy about and that I have found something I'd like to do full-time but I can't because we need my income. Desperately.

I am a little tired of being there for everybody else and still trying to follow my path or whatever you want to call it.

If my dog would sleep I'd probably feel a lot better.

I feel like I shouldn't blog because I'm just whining. And scared. And tired.

Not sure I mentioned the tired part.

6 comments:

the sandwich life said...

oh man....I know that kind of tiredness. It makes you bone-weary. I hope as things settle into place it's a little easier on you. Take care.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Sweetie, you are getting SLAMMED with need. I'm glad you had the good yoga--even though THAT was taking care of others, too, in a way. Be gentle on yourself. And good luck with the dog.

flutter said...

Oh babe.the dog and the mom and the whole thing...you deserve to be tired

Sophia Chang said...

Aw poor doggie.

Yeah that mom-brand of tired is a whole 'nother level.

SCREAMING FOR CHOCOLATE said...

We are your friends. That means we are here for you so complain away. That is what friends are for......

V-Grrrl @ Compost Studios said...

Keep blogging, because so many of us are right there with you on so many points. When one of us has the courage to admit they feel pulled apart by their circumstances, the rest of us feel a little less guilty and crazy about our own pending breakdowns...