If it's going to happen this is the best way for it to happen.
I'm pretty sure next week she'll be here looking for a house. I'm going to try and take the week off, for the most part, and go house hunting with her. She has a little over a month to find a house and get her stuff packed up and down here.
I'm less freaked out then I thought I would be.
My main goal is to take care of myself and my family through all this, be kind to my mother, not let her drive me crazy, and be true to myself.
That last one is coming from a conversation I had with her last time she was here (and countless others). I said something about usually getting up around 5:00 or 5:30 every morning and she said, "I know you do. To read the Bible. RIGHT?" It was her way of being reassured that I was still walking the straight and narrow and one and only path she believes in.
I came really close to saying, "No, I get up and journal, do yoga and meditate." I really did almost tell the truth, but then I caved and said, "yeah,"
I don't like that I do this. Obviously it's not the first time I've told her what she wanted to hear and living 1,000 miles from her makes it easy to hide my life from her and not deal with her disapproval and criticism and all out panic for the state of my soul.
After that last conversation I determined to become stronger and if she gets snoopy about my personal/spiritual life to be honest about it.
It's one thing to tell her what she wants to hear or just not give out info when I'm just talking to her once or twice a week.
It's a whole other thing when she's going to be walking into my house whenever the hell she feels like it and totally getting into my business.
It's not going to be fun. So I'm going to go ahead and get started right now with being strong and honest about my life.
That sounds pretty impressive. We'll see how it goes.
In other news J13 is trying out for a swim team today! He's not fighting me on it either. He's actually bringing it up in conversation and I think he actually wants to do it -- to check it out anyways. I'm just excited that at this point he isn't screaming and kicking and crying about it. That he's going along with it. He's a natural swimmer and he needs something like this. He needs to at least try.