Why I'm Drinking a Double Pomegranate Martini
Guess what? Shopping makes my ass look fat. I'm not making this up. It's true.
You may have noticed this yourself.
At home you're safe.
But as soon as you hit the store and dare to go into the dressing room, there it is. Your ass has doubled in size. Then it's all over. Even when you leave the store it's there. In the windows of the stores you walk past. In the mirrors they so stupidly place around the store.
In the horrified faces of the other women you walk past.
Today I went shopping for some summerish pants -- something below the knee but above the ankle.
What a nightmare.
I tried on a lot of pants -- but there was something wrong with all of them. They all made my ass look fat. Gargantuan. I know it can't really be that bad can it?
But it is. Oh it is.
I finally broke down and bought a pair at one of those chain stores targeted at middle aged women such as myself.
I hate those stores.
They looked so bad my husband commented on them and he never says anything.
In fact they were so bad he sent me out shopping again after dinner.
Now you know it was bad.
I ended up, out of desperation, buying a couple pairs that will get me through the summer and OK I even like them.
Although that could be the vodka talking.
You know what the worst part is? I have two swimsuits sitting in my room that I ordered but have not tried on yet. I'm gonna need a hell of a lot more martinis before I face that.