Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Blog Much? Well, No, Not Lately I Don't

Oh good grief. No, I haven't been posting. I meant to. Really I did.

I've been busy. Yeah, haven't we all? I'm still in post-yoga-teacher-training sadness. Apparently it lasts awhile.

I'm scared. Yep. Try to be shocked. I think at the very core of me where they say all the goodness and happiness resides (I don't know who, somebody out there is saying it right now, trust me) there is really just a little lump of fear and sadness.

I've posted before (and I'm not looking it up, it's probably been deleted anyways) about how I didn't think people can change (specifically me). Well, yoga has pretty much shot that idea to hell.

I now believe in change. Cue the sunshine and dancing flowers.

I have changed, I am changing, I will continue to change.

Or I am just rediscovering my true self or whatever (yes, there are people out there, right now, also saying that).

Tomato, Tomahto I say.

Whatever it is it's sluggish and slow and hard and something feels like it's trying it's damnedest to pull me the hell backwards. It's making me tired.

It's weird. Because I feel happy. Good. Positive and then all of a sudden scared wanting to hide from everybody and run away. I'm so good at that -- running and hiding.

I really want to do that right now.

I'm not. I'm staying. Trying to sit still. Shut up. Just be here. But I don't like it. Not at this moment. Not one little bit.


Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I think you did a good job describing those feelings--I've decided to jump full bore into getting a job--any full-time, decent-paying job and I'm alternately excited and scared you-know-what-less.

Sophia the Writer said...

and I love every time you do blog

this post - YES

sherilee said...

I'm such a Facebook dweeb I wanted to "like" this. Double "like" this post!

Angeliki said...

Such a beautiful description of what change is and how it feels! Sometimes you feel on top of the word and sometimes you want to hide from the world. It's so interesting, isn't it?

PS1. I posted your response on how to best take care of yourself in my blog today.

PS2. Keep on blogging, we love it!

Sheila McVay said...

Love you, Jodi.

You have described exactly how I feel. Teacher training definately unleashed something in me, and it's hard to know how to fit that into my "old" life. I think we're in the middle of a big period of transition as we try to meld this huge, awesome experience with the mundane reality of every day.

I'm so glad we have each other in the process. It feels good to know that others are going through the same thing.

Miss you so much!!!!!

Zube said...

"It's weird. Because I feel happy. Good. Positive and then all of a sudden scared wanting to hide from everybody and run away. I'm so good at that -- running and hiding."

You just about summed up how I've been feeling these days.

Hang in there.

Kaylen said...

Sometimes I am so happy I don't know what to do with myself, and then I will suddenly think-what if this isn't happiness? As if I'm totally off-base. Or I'll be totally sad and down and then think-what if THIS is normal and I don't even know to do...
Confusion is a part of life, right?

Sophia the Writer said...

awww - well I was back to taking Ambien last night when my dog decided to wake me up by whining for an hour, even after we got up and peed him

AND...you just won the Irresistibly Sweet Blog award, hop on by!

V-Grrrl @ Compost Studios said...

I struggle with the push-and-pull of change and acceptance, with my own feelings of worthlessness and regret vs. contentment and satisfaction.

There are a few psychological scabs I keep picking that I really need to leave alone.

My word for 2011 was "focus" but I can't seem to keep it together for long.