I've been busy. Yeah, haven't we all? I'm still in post-yoga-teacher-training sadness. Apparently it lasts awhile.
I'm scared. Yep. Try to be shocked. I think at the very core of me where they say all the goodness and happiness resides (I don't know who, somebody out there is saying it right now, trust me) there is really just a little lump of fear and sadness.
I've posted before (and I'm not looking it up, it's probably been deleted anyways) about how I didn't think people can change (specifically me). Well, yoga has pretty much shot that idea to hell.
I now believe in change. Cue the sunshine and dancing flowers.
I have changed, I am changing, I will continue to change.
Or I am just rediscovering my true self or whatever (yes, there are people out there, right now, also saying that).
Tomato, Tomahto I say.
Whatever it is it's sluggish and slow and hard and something feels like it's trying it's damnedest to pull me the hell backwards. It's making me tired.
It's weird. Because I feel happy. Good. Positive and then all of a sudden scared wanting to hide from everybody and run away. I'm so good at that -- running and hiding.
I really want to do that right now.
I'm not. I'm staying. Trying to sit still. Shut up. Just be here. But I don't like it. Not at this moment. Not one little bit.