Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Restless

I've got the travel bug.  The one that, if I could give into it, would get me out of this country.  On a plane and over some water.  Out of here.  Into a strange place.  Somewhere I haven't been with people I don't know.  OK, maybe I'd like to take one or two people I know.

There are places I'd like to revisit -- Holland for sure.  Machu Picchu.  Northern Thailand.  The Amazon.  But I want to hit up some new places.  Italy.  France. OK all of Europe probably.   Some place in Africa.  Patagonia.  How cool would Patagonia be? (Feel free to picture me as the outdoorsy type now -- but I'm not).

Before I had kids I had started to travel some -- a lot domestically, a little internationally.  In fact I was getting tired of not being home.    When I had my first baby my boss was wonderful enough to start altering my job so that I didn't have to travel as much and definitely not internationally since those trips usually take longer.

I don't often regret it.  But sometimes I do.  Today was kind of one of those days.

I found myself wishing not for more, but for different.  Maybe it's more.  More experiences, more places, more time, more people.

I wonder what my life will be like in ten or 12 years when they are more or less on their own.  This is what I hope.  That when that time comes and I have a little more wiggle room that I will go to Patagonia.  At least Italy.  And all the other stuff I set aside, that I'll push forward and find those places and things I'm longing for now.

I want this now -- to make my one shot at raising them to hit the mark.  I want that more than anything.

At the same time I want to hang on to that restless feeling just a bit, keep it in the back, alive, so I can take it out and let it pull me forward when the time is right.

9 comments:

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I have started to dream of trips like bicycling in Italy or kayaking in New Zealand. I haven't traveled much at all and I would like to start. I'm way past my sleeping bag/hostel days though, so I've still got a couple of college educations to go before I can travel in a bit of style.

annie said...

Oh I agree! Though at the moment, I'd settle for somewhere warm :-)

Unlikely Oilfield Wife said...

I know that "more" feeling so well. Usually strikes me in the fall. Never lose the restlessness, it gives one something to strive for.

Jennifer said...

Can I go to Italy with you?

Yes, definitely hold on to that restless feeling. It's as real as the reality of life right now. I love this post.

shelly said...

I know that feeling so well! It's funny how you blink your eyes and you're somewhere you never thought you'd be--it's still fulfilling and you loving the heck out of those little ones, but you loose a bit of yourself constently giving, mommy-ing...

I'm told that some day they'll all be grown and we'll want it back. Life's funny like that--why can't we feel the same about our present as we do our past?!? Keep that stirring deep down, it'll fuel your passion for whatever the next chapter brings!

yogurt said...

That restless feeling... I feel it way more often than I care to think about right now. And like you, I hope I hang onto it. Already I feel it slipping away "...oh but there are so many hassles with traveling..." Nooooooooo!

Chris said...

"I found myself wishing not for more, but for different." I understand. And I toggle with the question... Is it more? I have a single, childless friend who struggled with her status in her 30s but is having the time of her life in her 40s. She travels the world, enjoys adventure, her family... We talk about how different our lives are and how we wish we could each have a piece of the other's. You can't do both at the same time.

I like the idea of tucking the "restless feeling" away for a bit, but never forgetting where it is.

sherilee said...

I'm pretty content at home, or at least within my three-state wanderings... but at airports, if I'm not traveling internationally, I look at the big airplanes going to big places and get the craving...

Hold on to the cravings, they will come to fruition some day...

V-Grrrl @ Compost Studios said...

You capture that state of restlessness so well.

It comes and goes in my life and usually bears fruit of one sort or another. It's good to acknowledge it, look it in the eye, see what happens next.