I was walking out to the laundry with yet another load of clothes to wash when he said it and as I set the basket down on the washing machine I thought to myself, "yeah, and I'm a Mom." Uh oh. There it was. A little bit of bitter.
I'm trying to find a little of myself in all this being the mom stuff but I don't feel like I'm managing it much. Then I feel stupid for not managing anything but the house/mom stuff. Then I realize feeling stupid for that is stupid because really it's a couple of full-time jobs all smashed into one person.
Then I start wondering if Mom's have always felt that way. When did we start resenting it? In the 80s? The 60s? The 19th century? Are we different then Mom's were 300 years ago or do we just feel free to express it, maybe even sometimes obligated to express it?
I suppose forty years ago you just vented to your friends over a cup of coffee, now we broadcast it over the whole dang internet.
The truth is that thought flashed through my mind and was gone by the time I pressed start on the machine. Now I'm writing this sitting in a rocking chair while my 7 year old hums in the top bunk and the 11 year old pretends he's not going to bed. You know. Cuz he's 11.
So no I'm not bitter now. I'm happy to be here with them and can't imagine life without them or who I would be if I had never had them. When I do try and imagine that person I don't think I'd like her as much as I like this me. Wait. Did I just say I like myself? Damn. I gotta go.